As a Certified Transformational Life & Business Coach, I have the honor of listening to many people’s ideas, thoughts, and stories.
Lately, I’m hearing a few common themes; one of them is around people stating with clarity that things they don’t want that are in their lives. I hear things like, “I don’t want her to…” or “I don’t want them to tell me…” This same attitude is mirrored in many newspapers and television news broadcasts; people sharing their don’t wants to the world.
Others might say that people who speak their don’t wants are just complainers, grumblers, or protesters. Is that true? I don’t think so.
As small children one of the first words we learn to say is “No.” Just spend any amount of time around a two-year old and you’ll hear the word “No” fifty times in an hour or more. I believe that the words don’t want are related to our childhood no’s, and they too are just part of our developmental process.
And as a coach, I’m curious when my clients talk a lot about what they don’t want, and why they don’t want, and how they don’t want. Does this all sound like a puzzle? I don’t think so, it’s simply part of being a Transformational coach and leader.
What is incredibility exciting to notice, is that for many people, their wants are typically found buried just beneath the don’t wants, almost like treasure waiting to be discovered. And that’s where I take my clients, beyond their don’t wants to their true wants, desires, dreams, and visions.
One’s own self is well hidden from one’s own self;
of all mines of treasure,
one’s own is the last to be dug up.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche
Trust me, some people feel stuck saying don’t wants, just like the two-year-old saying “No” again and again. And sadly for others, it’s just easier to say no than to embark on a treasure hunt and attempt to discover their real wants.
But when people take the time to realize what they really do want from life, it is like finding diamonds, rubies and pearls; a true buried treasure indeed!
Ideas Help You Find Your Buried Wanted Treasure
1. Make a list of your 20 Don’t Wants.
2. From this list of 20, choose your Top 3 Don’t Wants.
3. For each of the Top 3 Don’t Wants, find the opposite or a buried desire hidden within.
4. Write for 10 minutes about each of your new 3 Buried Treasures answering these questions:
- Who would I be if I had this?
- What would be different in my life if I had this?
- Why do I want this?
Please feel free to share your hidden insights below.
Blaze is a fire-starter and mentor to people who want to light up the world! She helps others discover who they are and what they want to manifest in their lives.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
This was exactly what I needed to hear today, Blaze. I recently realized how much I wallow in don’t wants AND (perhaps even worse) shoulda, coulda and didn’t. It’s all such wasted energy. Thank you once again for your wisdom and clarity.
Riley,
Thanks for sharing, we’ve all been in those wasted energy spaces. And as is everything in life, this is a practice.
Cheers for all you do in the world in helping kids practice too!